And now, through the power of technology, I give you: Yesterday's post, today!
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We were woken up in Rock Springs, Wyoming by a call from my embattled boss, who is holding the project together in my absence. I got hungry and moseyed over to eat a bratwurst at the Loaf n' Jug. Of all the strange gas station names we've seen while crossing the Situation, "Loaf n' Jug" has been by far the strangest. Sinclair gas station is another oddity, as their logo is a green brontosaurus, which Bino pointed out could just be truth in advertising.
Fun fact: The entire state of Wyoming has about the same population as the city of Sacramento. The Sacramento metropolitan area has roughly FOUR TIMES the population of Wyoming.
We decided to get lunch in Salt Lake City, which was about three and a half hours away. Utah is a beautiful state. I've never been anywhere but the airport, and I was shocked. We took so many pictures on the drive, it's going to take me some time to sort through them all.
In Salt Lake City, I saw a shop called "Beer Nuts", which is a supply store for home beer brewing enthusiasts. I wasn't expecting that, but I guess it makes perfect sense that there would be a lot of interest given the laws in Utah.
We had a lunch of curry and mango lhasis served by some kindly local Lamanites, then headed back out on the road, hoping to make it to Reno or thereabouts.
I think I should explain the name of our blog. The Helman-Ferrier wedding made ingenious (and more than willing) use of volunteer assistance, assigned into small groups. In a rash moment, someone assigned Bino and I to a two-man team in charge of beverage acquisition. Before long, it was decided that this was an extremely volatile combination sure to lead to trouble, and that maybe we should be separated. We weren't having it. But the story took on a life of it's own, and we imagined that though Bino and I would initially set out with good intentions, we would soon lose focus, steal a truck, smash the doors off, and ride into the night. "Truck with no doors" has become shorthand for awesomely irresponsible behavior, and captures the optimistic and adventurous spirit with which we left the East Coast. I guess "eatin' a brat at the Loaf n' Jug" could be a similar shorthand.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Truck, Truck, Goose
One thing I can say about staying in the Motel 6 every night is that you occasionally find remnants of some previous occupant's encounters with the American Situation. For instance, upon exiting the shower in the Omaha 6, I found that the steam had revealed a message previously scrawled in the condensation on the bathroom mirror. It read: "Deliver the pizza." It made me feel like, for a brief instant, I had gotten a glimpse into someone else's life and was able to see their frustrated, inebriated face in the mirror as they inexplicably cajoled the delivery person with a message that would never be read by the intended party.
So, lots of corn and plains happened between there and Laramie, Wyoming. We managed to catch most of the presidential debate on the radio. It took us several minutes of sifting as it seemed like the only news Nebraskans care about is sports. Otherwise, there was a solitary island of classic rock among an ocean of christian and country stations.
Upon arriving in Laramie, we discovered that the Motel 6 there was full up due to some kind of conference at the college, and the next one was a few hours down the road in Rock Springs. So, Paul made a phone reservation there and stopped to fortify himself with a sandwich.
It was at this point that I realized that I was in my friend Susan's current stomping grounds and I left her a message in the faint hope that she was down the road and free. I had pretty much given up hope on that possibility by the time we had rolled into Rock Springs. However, after a brief text/phone exchange, I discovered that not only did she live in Rock Springs, but her house was in fact only about THREE BLOCKS from the Motel 6. Some might call that fate. So, while Chris and Paul slipped off into unconsciousness, I slipped out and rode around town at five in the morning having a pleasant, if brief, time catching up with Susan.
In the parking lot of the full Motel 6, I discovered Wyoming's motto and had it later confirmed by Susan. "Wyoming: Where the trucks outnumber the people."
So, lots of corn and plains happened between there and Laramie, Wyoming. We managed to catch most of the presidential debate on the radio. It took us several minutes of sifting as it seemed like the only news Nebraskans care about is sports. Otherwise, there was a solitary island of classic rock among an ocean of christian and country stations.
Upon arriving in Laramie, we discovered that the Motel 6 there was full up due to some kind of conference at the college, and the next one was a few hours down the road in Rock Springs. So, Paul made a phone reservation there and stopped to fortify himself with a sandwich.
It was at this point that I realized that I was in my friend Susan's current stomping grounds and I left her a message in the faint hope that she was down the road and free. I had pretty much given up hope on that possibility by the time we had rolled into Rock Springs. However, after a brief text/phone exchange, I discovered that not only did she live in Rock Springs, but her house was in fact only about THREE BLOCKS from the Motel 6. Some might call that fate. So, while Chris and Paul slipped off into unconsciousness, I slipped out and rode around town at five in the morning having a pleasant, if brief, time catching up with Susan.
In the parking lot of the full Motel 6, I discovered Wyoming's motto and had it later confirmed by Susan. "Wyoming: Where the trucks outnumber the people."
Omaha is Surprisingly Big
OK, this post was written yesterday. And no, we didn't make it to Salt Lake City last night, but this was serendipitous for a reason I will let Bino fill you in on.
*******************
Woke up in Indiana and didn't care to hang around. On the way into Chicago, we passed a golf course that had been completely submerged in water, even though nothing else nearby was flooded. The requisite "water trap" and "par 600" jokes were made, then off we went. Chicago looks amazing and bears a more nuanced exploration. This time around, our only stop was the studio of Frank Lloyd Wright, which was located in a beautiful suburb of Chicago called Oak Park. It reminded us a little of Sacramento (Colonial houses, good tree canopy). The studio tour was booked up, so we took some pictures of the exterior and headed off in search of dinner.
Nearby, we found a "stuffed deep dish pizza" joint and had a pretty amazing meal. This thing was literally a pizza PIE. I wish I had taken a picture, but we were all too famished to capture the moment.
From there, we settled in and drove pretty much straight to Omaha, just inside the Nebraska border. Bino already covered the Forbidden Motel 6, so I won't go into that except to say that it was as strange as he described it. We consoled ourselves in the knowledge they would get such a tongue lashing on the blog that there would be no choice but to change their ways. Bino also discovered that our room contained an ashtray with a "No Smoking" sign stuck to the bottom (picture in the gallery).
Thanks for everything so far, Motel 6! You're like a friend that I hate but who did me a solid.
But yeah, Omaha is surprisingly big. It's wide and flat like LA (though maybe with fewer piercings).
Dude Badge update:
1. Stare At Corn For Six Hours - ACQUIRED!
2. Stay In A Different Motel 6 For 5 Consecutive Nights - 60% COMPLETE!
3. Complete All 50 Stunt Jumps - 0% COMPLETE!
4. Beat The Game Using Only The Pistol - ON TRACK!
5. Cross The American Situation - 50% COMPLETE! (Omaha Save Point Reached)
Checked the trailer this morning, and the contents have barely shifted. Per request, we've posted a picture of the fully packed trailer. That's the Dudemaster General standing next to his Sistine Chapel. Also included is a shot of the top front of the trailer, fairly dusted with dead moths, flies and mosquitoes. You're welcome, America.
Today, we drive. If we're feeling particularly punchy, we'll try and make it to Salt Lake City. More likely we'll fall apart somewhere along the Colorado/Wyoming border.
*******************
Woke up in Indiana and didn't care to hang around. On the way into Chicago, we passed a golf course that had been completely submerged in water, even though nothing else nearby was flooded. The requisite "water trap" and "par 600" jokes were made, then off we went. Chicago looks amazing and bears a more nuanced exploration. This time around, our only stop was the studio of Frank Lloyd Wright, which was located in a beautiful suburb of Chicago called Oak Park. It reminded us a little of Sacramento (Colonial houses, good tree canopy). The studio tour was booked up, so we took some pictures of the exterior and headed off in search of dinner.
Nearby, we found a "stuffed deep dish pizza" joint and had a pretty amazing meal. This thing was literally a pizza PIE. I wish I had taken a picture, but we were all too famished to capture the moment.
From there, we settled in and drove pretty much straight to Omaha, just inside the Nebraska border. Bino already covered the Forbidden Motel 6, so I won't go into that except to say that it was as strange as he described it. We consoled ourselves in the knowledge they would get such a tongue lashing on the blog that there would be no choice but to change their ways. Bino also discovered that our room contained an ashtray with a "No Smoking" sign stuck to the bottom (picture in the gallery).
Thanks for everything so far, Motel 6! You're like a friend that I hate but who did me a solid.
But yeah, Omaha is surprisingly big. It's wide and flat like LA (though maybe with fewer piercings).
Dude Badge update:
1. Stare At Corn For Six Hours - ACQUIRED!
2. Stay In A Different Motel 6 For 5 Consecutive Nights - 60% COMPLETE!
3. Complete All 50 Stunt Jumps - 0% COMPLETE!
4. Beat The Game Using Only The Pistol - ON TRACK!
5. Cross The American Situation - 50% COMPLETE! (Omaha Save Point Reached)
Checked the trailer this morning, and the contents have barely shifted. Per request, we've posted a picture of the fully packed trailer. That's the Dudemaster General standing next to his Sistine Chapel. Also included is a shot of the top front of the trailer, fairly dusted with dead moths, flies and mosquitoes. You're welcome, America.
Today, we drive. If we're feeling particularly punchy, we'll try and make it to Salt Lake City. More likely we'll fall apart somewhere along the Colorado/Wyoming border.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Motel 666
Lots of fun stuff in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Iggy's duct-taped shorts, MJ's glove, Bowie outfits aplenty, "The Fly's" outfit, Joe Strummer's smashed guitar, Bjork's paper jacket...no pictures, though. Cameras not allowed inside. Don't worry,Dad--there were some Jerry Garcia guitars outside that I got some pics of, luckily.
Some local metal bands played in the lobby. Not sure if it's distressing or comforting that it was all the same middle-of-the-road stuff that one might find in Sacramento. Does that mean less competition to be original, or a sign that people want to hear conformity? On the whole, I left pretty inspired, though. Seeing interviews of Joe Strummer and Iggy Pop had a way of getting me in the mood to rock.
The next day got off on the wrong foot for me--and there's a pun in there. I was a little too eager to get on the road and just about ran over Paul's foot as he was getting into the car. Sorry, Paul. I think I at least partly redeemed myself by navigating downtown Chicago with the trailer, though. I wish we could have gotten out and walked around as it has been about 20 years since I've been here.
Oddities on the drive out of Illinois and across Iowa: A sign that Chris read as "Custard-Filled Butter Burgers" (later Googled to be clarified as "Culver's Frozen Custard & Butter Burgers"--slightly less ridiculous, but still eyebrow-raising.) Also, we passed what claimed to be the largest truckstop in the world. We weren't quite on the ball enough to get a picture of it, though. And corn. Corncorncorncorncorncorncorncorncorn.
Finally, in the wee hours of the morn, we began to look for a Motel 6 to crash at. Paul had referenced the Complete Tome of Motel 6 and directed us off the freeway, expecting to still have several minutes of surface streets to navigate before we arrived. But, lo! Just off of the exit was a Motel 6 not listed in the Grand Manual! We thought we had hit jackpot and turned off course to bring the good ship Volvo into this uncharted harbor. But, wait! Like some desert mirage, or one of Tantalus' torments, or an area in Zelda that you can see but can't get to without the grapnel, an actual entrance to this glamer-induced Motel eluded us. After several minutes of dead-end roads and construction detours, we threw our hands in the air and continued on to our original target. If I were to ask the desk clerk here about the other Motel 6 that we couldn't get into, I would expect him or her to suddenly go pale and tell me "that Motel 6 burned to the ground 40 years ago...right after those awful murders..."
Some local metal bands played in the lobby. Not sure if it's distressing or comforting that it was all the same middle-of-the-road stuff that one might find in Sacramento. Does that mean less competition to be original, or a sign that people want to hear conformity? On the whole, I left pretty inspired, though. Seeing interviews of Joe Strummer and Iggy Pop had a way of getting me in the mood to rock.
The next day got off on the wrong foot for me--and there's a pun in there. I was a little too eager to get on the road and just about ran over Paul's foot as he was getting into the car. Sorry, Paul. I think I at least partly redeemed myself by navigating downtown Chicago with the trailer, though. I wish we could have gotten out and walked around as it has been about 20 years since I've been here.
Oddities on the drive out of Illinois and across Iowa: A sign that Chris read as "Custard-Filled Butter Burgers" (later Googled to be clarified as "Culver's Frozen Custard & Butter Burgers"--slightly less ridiculous, but still eyebrow-raising.) Also, we passed what claimed to be the largest truckstop in the world. We weren't quite on the ball enough to get a picture of it, though. And corn. Corncorncorncorncorncorncorncorncorn.
Finally, in the wee hours of the morn, we began to look for a Motel 6 to crash at. Paul had referenced the Complete Tome of Motel 6 and directed us off the freeway, expecting to still have several minutes of surface streets to navigate before we arrived. But, lo! Just off of the exit was a Motel 6 not listed in the Grand Manual! We thought we had hit jackpot and turned off course to bring the good ship Volvo into this uncharted harbor. But, wait! Like some desert mirage, or one of Tantalus' torments, or an area in Zelda that you can see but can't get to without the grapnel, an actual entrance to this glamer-induced Motel eluded us. After several minutes of dead-end roads and construction detours, we threw our hands in the air and continued on to our original target. If I were to ask the desk clerk here about the other Motel 6 that we couldn't get into, I would expect him or her to suddenly go pale and tell me "that Motel 6 burned to the ground 40 years ago...right after those awful murders..."
Encounters with the American Situation
Last night's Motel 6 had no internet access (something unspecific was broken), so I have no choice but to downgrade them to a Motel 3 3/5. At any rate, this post was written yesterday but could not be posted until this very minute. Please call corporate and voice your complaints.
**************
The day began in Cleveland, Ohio ("Ohio: May all your dreams be covered in Hollandaise!"). After a nice breakfast of dinner around lunchtime, we headed for downtown Cleveland and the Rock and Roll History Museum. We couldn't find a gas station, but were assisted by a Good Samaritan. Actually, let's call him a Chaotic Good Samaritan, since in the process of leading us to the gas station he ran a red light and instructed us to turn left when it was clearly illegal. At the gas station, we discovered that there is now a beverage on sale that combines Bud Light and Clamato. Great, let's take two beverages that shouldn't exist and combine them into a new beverage that should be illegal, and then sell it in giant 24 oz cans. This is like the hippogriff of hangover delivery systems.
The museum was a pretty good time--lots of donated paraphernalia and audiovisual displays. I recommend it if you're already in Cleveland for another reason. Probably the most interesting thing is that they do a lecture series in the evenings, which is entertaining and well done. Unfortunately, we had to get back on the road and so only caught a few minutes of their presentation on Simon and Garfunkel.
The day ended around 4AM in Indiana ("Indiana: If you lived here, you'd be used to the smell by now."). This Motel 6 has pergo floors, so we are feeling well pampered. Dad pointed out that every Motel 6 is located in a part of town that looks the same in every state. At 4AM, this felt incredibly significant and held my attention for like two minutes.
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The day began in Cleveland, Ohio ("Ohio: May all your dreams be covered in Hollandaise!"). After a nice breakfast of dinner around lunchtime, we headed for downtown Cleveland and the Rock and Roll History Museum. We couldn't find a gas station, but were assisted by a Good Samaritan. Actually, let's call him a Chaotic Good Samaritan, since in the process of leading us to the gas station he ran a red light and instructed us to turn left when it was clearly illegal. At the gas station, we discovered that there is now a beverage on sale that combines Bud Light and Clamato. Great, let's take two beverages that shouldn't exist and combine them into a new beverage that should be illegal, and then sell it in giant 24 oz cans. This is like the hippogriff of hangover delivery systems.
The museum was a pretty good time--lots of donated paraphernalia and audiovisual displays. I recommend it if you're already in Cleveland for another reason. Probably the most interesting thing is that they do a lecture series in the evenings, which is entertaining and well done. Unfortunately, we had to get back on the road and so only caught a few minutes of their presentation on Simon and Garfunkel.
The day ended around 4AM in Indiana ("Indiana: If you lived here, you'd be used to the smell by now."). This Motel 6 has pergo floors, so we are feeling well pampered. Dad pointed out that every Motel 6 is located in a part of town that looks the same in every state. At 4AM, this felt incredibly significant and held my attention for like two minutes.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Cleveland and Bust
Though we originally planned to leave early on Tuesday, there was enough packing left to keep us busy until about four. I don't think you could fit more in that trailer if you had a trash compactor. We grabbed a final slice for the road and headed for Cleveland, making it to the GWB just in time for rush hour.
Somewhere around the Poconos, just a hair after ten, the gas light came on. The first gas station accepted my credit card, but only pumped a grand total of forty cents' worth. The girl behind the register did her best to pretend she couldn't hear us and kept counting out. We headed down the road, now "concerned".
The TomTom found a 24-hour gas station called Sheetz (as in "three sheets to the wind"??? Inappropriate!) about ten miles away and we refueled the tank, as well as our flagging confidence that we would one day arrive in Sacramento. Beef Jerky (Mesquite flavored), cold medicine and coffee were also in order. Right, the cold medicine. So, either saddle fatigue has nasal congestant symptoms, or I've got a cold. Whatever. I'm going to starve it for attention and see if that works.
We reached the Motel 6 outside Cleveland around 4:30AM and had gins all around (not my idea). The room is strangely huge, maybe because it's on the corner). This morning, I learned from CNN that it is National Stay At Home Week. Seriously. Man, could we have planned this better?? I guess we'll call it a wash since I skipped all those National Drive Across The Country Weeks.
Today, we hit the Rock and Roll History Museum (future home of Bino's sunglasses), then drive to Chicago.
New pictures in the album!
Somewhere around the Poconos, just a hair after ten, the gas light came on. The first gas station accepted my credit card, but only pumped a grand total of forty cents' worth. The girl behind the register did her best to pretend she couldn't hear us and kept counting out. We headed down the road, now "concerned".
The TomTom found a 24-hour gas station called Sheetz (as in "three sheets to the wind"??? Inappropriate!) about ten miles away and we refueled the tank, as well as our flagging confidence that we would one day arrive in Sacramento. Beef Jerky (Mesquite flavored), cold medicine and coffee were also in order. Right, the cold medicine. So, either saddle fatigue has nasal congestant symptoms, or I've got a cold. Whatever. I'm going to starve it for attention and see if that works.
We reached the Motel 6 outside Cleveland around 4:30AM and had gins all around (not my idea). The room is strangely huge, maybe because it's on the corner). This morning, I learned from CNN that it is National Stay At Home Week. Seriously. Man, could we have planned this better?? I guess we'll call it a wash since I skipped all those National Drive Across The Country Weeks.
Today, we hit the Rock and Roll History Museum (future home of Bino's sunglasses), then drive to Chicago.
New pictures in the album!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Escape From New York
Well, I won't say that I conquered New York in a weekend--conquering this city in any length of time is undoubtedly a claim too great for any one person. However, I think I pulled off a black-ops surgical strike the likes of which hasn't been seen since Snake Plissken.
While I may have missed a lot of the big landmarks, I feel like I got a pretty good whirlwind tour of NY at the ground level. From being the the first on the floor at the goth club, to crazy Japanese bars, to riding the subway solo at commuter hours, I think that I squeezed a lot out of my brief time here. If there isn't a Dude Badge in there somewhere, I think I at least deserve some kind of honorable mention.
And yet it is still miles to go before I sleep. Actually, I did finally sleep, but what I really mean is that the trip is only just beginning. With a bite of the Big Apple still sliding down my gullet and a piece of its skin stuck between my teeth, I and my brave companions now look west toward the rest of America. For the better part of next week, the fly-over states will be driven over for the first time by yours truly. But after New York, everything else is cake, right?
Also, I've been told that I'm giving some kind of lecture on the History of Punk. I'm not really sure I'm that qualified for the task--it's not like I'm a professor of Punkology at NYU--and in any case my area of expertise is more in the related fields of Goth Rock and other forms of Post-Punk. At best, I believe I have an ability to convey what knowledge of music I do have in an interesting, yet academic-seeming manner. However, Paul has made this request of me as part of my contribution to fending off boredom during the drive, so I'll do my best.
While I may have missed a lot of the big landmarks, I feel like I got a pretty good whirlwind tour of NY at the ground level. From being the the first on the floor at the goth club, to crazy Japanese bars, to riding the subway solo at commuter hours, I think that I squeezed a lot out of my brief time here. If there isn't a Dude Badge in there somewhere, I think I at least deserve some kind of honorable mention.
And yet it is still miles to go before I sleep. Actually, I did finally sleep, but what I really mean is that the trip is only just beginning. With a bite of the Big Apple still sliding down my gullet and a piece of its skin stuck between my teeth, I and my brave companions now look west toward the rest of America. For the better part of next week, the fly-over states will be driven over for the first time by yours truly. But after New York, everything else is cake, right?
Also, I've been told that I'm giving some kind of lecture on the History of Punk. I'm not really sure I'm that qualified for the task--it's not like I'm a professor of Punkology at NYU--and in any case my area of expertise is more in the related fields of Goth Rock and other forms of Post-Punk. At best, I believe I have an ability to convey what knowledge of music I do have in an interesting, yet academic-seeming manner. However, Paul has made this request of me as part of my contribution to fending off boredom during the drive, so I'll do my best.
Diem II: Carped
Morning of the third day. Packed for fourteen hours yesterday, went to bed. Disassembled everything that could be. Which, since my apartment is an Ikea diorama, is a lot. Packing went slow because we had to fit two hundred cubit feet of stuff into fifty cubic feet of space, and then take pictures for proof.
A late night Dunkin run for a Box of Joe and a dozen assorted (thx for the ride Liza!) gave us the second wind we needed to reach a good stopping point. Today we all feel like we did fourteen hour's hard labor and then ate a donut. Which is no more pleasant for being exactly what we deserve. I'm pretty sure there's a Dude Badge you get when you Pack For Fourteen Hours, so there's that.
Today we finish up and then head to Cleveland. Bino has promised to give a History of Punk lecture at some point on the trip.
Stay tuned for posts from this blog's other two authors, as well as some pictures.
A late night Dunkin run for a Box of Joe and a dozen assorted (thx for the ride Liza!) gave us the second wind we needed to reach a good stopping point. Today we all feel like we did fourteen hour's hard labor and then ate a donut. Which is no more pleasant for being exactly what we deserve. I'm pretty sure there's a Dude Badge you get when you Pack For Fourteen Hours, so there's that.
Today we finish up and then head to Cleveland. Bino has promised to give a History of Punk lecture at some point on the trip.
Stay tuned for posts from this blog's other two authors, as well as some pictures.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Let's do this.
Trailer acquired. By the end of this trip, Bino and I both will have earned at least two Dude Badges, namely Driving Cross Country and Pulling A Trailer. Other possible Dude Badges this trip will serve up:
1. Treating A Snakebite
2. Punching A Stranger
3. Taking The Doors Off A Truck The Old Fashioned Way (Hard Reverse Past A Parked Car)
4. Tricks For Gas Money
Packing continues at a frenetic pace. Yesterday, Bino:
1. Had his first New York bagel.
2. Ate his first slice of New York pizza.
3. Tore up his first New York goth club.
4. Kissed his first New York lady.
We got back home around 7AM, feeling like the diem had been carped.
Tonight, we whoop it up again. Tomorrow, we pick up Dad. Day after that, Cleveland or bust. No truck yet, and too many doors. But there's time yet.
1. Treating A Snakebite
2. Punching A Stranger
3. Taking The Doors Off A Truck The Old Fashioned Way (Hard Reverse Past A Parked Car)
4. Tricks For Gas Money
Packing continues at a frenetic pace. Yesterday, Bino:
1. Had his first New York bagel.
2. Ate his first slice of New York pizza.
3. Tore up his first New York goth club.
4. Kissed his first New York lady.
We got back home around 7AM, feeling like the diem had been carped.
Tonight, we whoop it up again. Tomorrow, we pick up Dad. Day after that, Cleveland or bust. No truck yet, and too many doors. But there's time yet.
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